WHAT EVERY KID NEEDS

 WHAT EVERY KID NEEDS

Many of you remember Joe McGee. He has spoken here on a number of occasions. He wrote a great book called 8 Things No Kid Should Leave Home Without. 

 

Here are the eight things he listed. 

 

1.    A Sense of Self-Worth

2.    Vision  

3.    A Love of Math  

4.    Organizational Skills and Time Management  

5.    A Teachable Spirit  

6.    Communication Skills  

7.    Character  

8.    A Sense of Humor

 

On many occasions, including on our honeymoon, Alba and I attended a great workshop on life called The Institute in Basic Youth Conflicts. These week long events talked about seven different areas where kids can develop a Godly life. These are: Design, Authority, Responsibility, Suffering, Ownership, Freedom, and Success. 

 

As you can see, there are similarities in approaches to what kids need. 

 

Raising kids is hard, but it is some of the most fun you can have! We all want to do a good job. We all want our kids to turn out right. Most of the time we are using on the job training. We read books, listen to teachers, go to conferences or small groups and we still wonder if it will all turn out right. 

 

This year we have talked about God’s commands to Israel when they were in captivity.

 

Jeremiah 29:4-7 (NKJV) Thus says the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel, to all who were carried away captive, whom I have caused to be carried away from Jerusalem to Babylon: Build houses and dwell in them; plant gardens and eat their fruit. Take wives and beget sons and daughters; and take wives for your sons and give your daughters to husbands, so that they may bear sons and daughters—that you may be increased there, and not diminished. And seek the peace of the city where I have caused you to be carried away captive and pray to the LORD for it; for in its peace, you will have peace.

 

The last couple of weeks we have talked about providing for your family during this time, like Israel was experiencing in Babylon. We have explored God’s plan for three generations of blessing. Valentine’s Day we talked about the amazing plan God has for couples. 

 

Today, I want to speak about kids. Now, I am not an expert. Every time I think I know something about raising kids, I end up embarrassing myself and everyone else. I want to just share out of my heart. In the weeks to come, Alba, Sip, and Eddie will share some very practical things about how to set your kids up for the future. 

 

First, let me give you a promise…

 

Proverbs 22:6 (NKJV) Train up a child in the way he should go,

And when he is old he will not depart from it.

 

This is a powerful promise we can hold on to when it seems we are failing! 

 

Train means to dedicate, educate, and motivate. We should touch his palate like a midwife to motivate him to pursue life!

 

The way he should go, literally, according to his way; i.e., his habits, his interests, his desires and ambitions. The instruction must take into account his individuality and inclinations and be in keeping with his degree of physical and mental development.

 

One year as a principal a freshman came and said she wanted to graduate in two years. I just laughed and said it was impossible. The truth was, she was a great athlete and I wanted her around for four years. What happened? She lost all motivation and became a problem child. I should have let her go for it.  

 

What is God’s will for their life? Not what is our will. 

 

As I thought about what kids need in life, I have come up with four. Allow me to talk about each of them for a few minutes.

 

1.    Unconditional Love

 

My kids and grandkids need to know that nothing can separate them from my love. Why? Because that is the way God loves them. 

 

Romans 8:35–39 (NKJV) Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? 36 As it is written:

“For Your sake we are killed all day long;

We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.”

37 Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. 38 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, 39 nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

 

Kids get their God image from us. We should relate to our kids the way God relates to His kids!

 

2.    Meaningful Motivation

 

The best coaches are not necessarily those who have the best game plans or the best Xs and Os. The winningest coaches have the ability to motivate their players to perform above their natural ability. How do they do that?

 

A.  They never require what they are not willing to do. 

B.   They give out what they desire. 

C.   They work to make those under him successful. 

 

I have the greatest son in law. Rapha is the greatest husband and father I could ask for. We were talking one day and I told him what a great dad he was. He said, “My whole life is working to put my kids in a position to be successful.” Wow; I almost started shouting. What a purpose in life. To make your kids successful. 

 

3.    Conditional Fellowship

 

This may seem strange when we put this up next to unconditional love, but they are really two sides of the same coin. God’s love is unconditional, but His fellowship is conditional. 

 

1 John 1:6 (NKJV) If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.

 

We do our children a big favor if they learn that although our love is never failing, our fellowship depends on their obedience. If they want my fellowship and blessing, all they have to do is confess their sin. Just like God…

 

1 John 1:9 (NKJV) If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

 

As a young teacher I was told I had a big dog house. And if you ever got in it, it was almost impossible to get out. This was not good. If kids get on our wrong side, there has to be a path back!

 

2 Timothy 3:16–17 (NKJV) All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, 17 that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.

 

4.    Consistent Correction

 

When I talk to young people about things they don’t like about parents and teachers, among the most mentioned is a lack of consistency in correction. One day they get the death penalty for what they got away with the day before. Now, we are not perfect; kids recognize that. We have good days and bad days. I have told my students that they have to develop the ability to read me and my stress levels. 

 

As much as I want to be consistent, my responses are not always the same. Kids don’t mind if they know you love them. They want you to be consistent, not perfect. And when we blow it, we need to admit it and ask forgiveness. 

 

So, that’s my list. And it goes on even after our children leave the nest. The way the points are communicated and used may change, but I will still be their dad. We may move from boss and authority to counselor and friend, but I am still responsible to keep sowing into my kids. 

What’s on your list? What have you learned about being a good parent? I encourage you to share with others what you have learned. You may have the key that will unlock their child. 

 

Ministry Time

 

Remember that this all in the context of Jeremiah 29. God was asking Israel to live in faith by prospering in captivity. It was a call to faith. 

 

Israel’s foundation of faith was the Great Commandment. 

 

Deuteronomy 6:4–9 (NKJV) Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one! 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.

6 “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

 

What was the outcome of all this? Blessings for the children!

 

Deuteronomy 6:10–12 (NKJV) So it shall be, when the Lord your God brings you into the land of which He swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to give you large and beautiful cities which you did not build, 11 houses full of all good things, which you did not fill, hewn-out wells which you did not dig, vineyards and olive trees which you did not plant—when you have eaten and are full—12 then beware, lest you forget the Lord who brought you out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage.